Ask Cheryl: Should I Send a Gift If Not Invited to the Wedding? (2024)

FAQs

Should you send a wedding gift if you were not invited to the wedding? ›

You should not feel obligated to purchase a gift for the couple if you are not invited to the wedding. This “rule” is consistent; if you are invited to a wedding, you should send a gift, regardless of whether you can attend the wedding. If you are not invited, it's not necessary or expected for you to send a gift.

Check out the couple's wedding registry and pick something that's relatively affordable (think less than $50), or maybe contribute some money to their honeymoon cash fund. The amount you put toward the gift should reflect your closeness to this family member.

That said, it's highly likely that not every guest at a wedding will oblige. In fact, it's been estimated that between 7 and 10% of guests at a wedding fail to give a gift.

"Remind yourself that gifts are not mandatory and be happy and grateful for the fact that some of your guests traveled or had other expenses in order to enjoy that special day with you.

Be gentle with people's feelings, whether you're the bride or a guest. “[As a guest], I think it's better to reach out and go 'Look, I know you're getting married. I'm so happy for you. I understand I'm not invited and I assume there are all sorts of reasons and it's fine.

Is It Ever Appropriate Not to Give a Wedding Gift? If you're attending a wedding, you should always give a gift; the amount you spend, though, is flexible. Personal budget constraints are a perfectly valid reason to not get an over-the-top wedding present, but you should still give something as an attendee.

Luckily, the choice on how much to give at a wedding is really up to you. A good starting point: $100 per guest, the average gift amount according to Brides.com. Then, let these other factors help you decide whether to nudge that amount up or down.

But what kind of gift can you expect? Catey Hill, resident financial expert at David's Bridal, says it's perfectly fine guests to write out a check to you. She says many brides and grooms actually prefer it. On average the typical cash gift is around $150, she says.

They suggest the following breakdown: coworkers or distant relatives should spend 50 to 75 dollars. Friends or relatives, 75 to 100 dollars. For close friends, family members, or if you're in the wedding party, you should spend 100 to 150 dollars—or more.

Anything matching. Stay away from gifts that are branded his-and-her or his-and-his or hers-and-hers. “Couples have started their life together at their wedding ceremony, but it does not need to be represented on matching shirts or bedding,” said Trotter.

Do you give a gift if you can't attend the wedding? ›

Wedding gift etiquette generally encourages sending a gift even if you can't attend the nuptials, however, the decision is ultimately up to you. All that's really expected is sending back your RSVP card. Think about your relationship with the couple and if you have the financial means to send a present.

"It's common to give anywhere from $100 to $1,000. I often see the card box on the gift table oozing with overstuffed envelopes," Burton says. "As a bride myself, I received one $1,000 check. However, this was from an uncle who is well off.

Gift giving is a fun ritual that can help you celebrate the newly married couple and show your appreciation for being included in their wedding day. It is by no means a requirement, whether you are attending the wedding or not. In any case of gift giving, it should be done out of desire and not out of obligation.

Garringer advises spending as much as you would if you attended the wedding — which would mean around $100 for a close friend or $150 and up for an immediate family member. For more distant relations, a smaller gift is acceptable (or, as we mentioned earlier, a simple "Congratulations!" will do).

While wedding favors have been a well-known tradition over the years, they are definitely not required and likely not even expected by your guests. This allows you some freedom in choosing what you would like to do. Some couples decide not to have them for various reasons.

Anyone that gifted you a present for the upcoming nuptials should be at the top of your thank-you card list. This includes any guest who could not make it but sent a gift and anyone who was not invited but gave a gift. In the case of the former, be sure to include how much they were missed at the celebration.

If you're invited to the evening reception, or a party after the actual ceremony has occurred, you may or may not wish to give a gift, but many people do anyway. If you attend the ceremony, it's the pit of bad manners not to give a gift. Even if the bride and groom insist that they don't want a gift, give one anyway.

It's even proper to send announcements to people whom you wouldn't ordinarily invite, but who might be pleased and interested to know about your son's marriage. The purpose of an announcement is simply to announce that a wedding took place. Receiving one creates no obligation to send a gift or card.

Standard etiquette rules state that bridesmaids should plan on gifting their friends a wedding gift. You can either pick out an item from the registry (if the couple has one) or purchase a meaningful and thoughtful piece, like monogrammed pillows for the pair's home or a photo of the duo in a flower-stuffed frame.