Traditionally, it has been considered poor form for family members of either the bride or the groom to host a bridal shower. As one mother of the bride friend points out, it is essentially asking for gifts. Even more traditionally, “back in the day,” there was only one shower, bridesmaids hosted it, and only women who were also invited to the wedding were on the guest list.
Lifestyles and trends have changed, however, and the corresponding protocols have loosened considerably. Consequently, the groom and his family may be much more involved in these occasions. Rather than ask you to take my word for it, though, let’s consult the authorities. Here are the expert answers to the question “can the mother of the groom host a shower?”
“The traditional hosts are friends of the bride, the couple, or their parents.” Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette, p. 177
“A bridal shower is a much smaller event (than an engagement party), but it’s one you can also plan, particularly if the bride and her family are far away and many of your friends will not be able to attend the wedding.” Sydell Rabin, author of The Complete Mother of the Groom, p. 96
“MOGS may get to co-host bridal showers with bridesmaids.” Sharon Naylor, author of Mother of the Groom, in a Feb. 12, 2013 post “The Top NEW wedding tips for the Mother of the Bride and Mother of the Groom” on her blog, sharonnaylorweddingbooks.wordpress.com
“… It’s actually okay (and pretty common) for a bride to be feted by the groom’s family in addition to the ‘original’ (bride’s attendants) shower.” Amy Elliott, answering questions on TheKnot.com’s “Mother of the Groom: Basic Etiquette Q&A” page. Amy goes on to advise the mother of the groom to be in touch with the person hosting the primary shower to explain why you may want to host one as well (distance being the main reason in the question in this post) and to be sure your event occurs after the main shower.
“It’s perfectly acceptable for a family member to host a shower these days.” Martha Stewart Etiquette Advisor, in a post on marthastewartweddings.com, “The Etiquette of Bridal Showers”
These are among the biggest names in either wedding or MOG protocol. Therefore, I think we can definitively say that is IS okay for the mother of the groom to host a shower. So, if this is feasible and something you want to do, go for it. It is a wonderful opportunity to have fun while laying another block in the the foundation for the future.
I was unaware of the evolution of this tradition when my son’s wedding was on the horizon. I wish I had known. Parties are one of my family’s love languages. We’d have had a blast with this. I hopeto remedy the situation with a housewarming when the kids buy their first home.
One important note: The rules of etiquette still require that anyone you invite to a shower is also invited to the wedding. Even if it’s a destination wedding and few can attend, even if family and friends live across the continent or globe from the wedding, even if [fill in the blank], this is still an official must. Are people breaking this rule? Yes. Should you be one of this people? No. Leave the rule-breaking to people who have less at stake.
If there are important people you want to introduce to the bride but who are not invited to the wedding, consider hosting a party for the couple after the wedding. This is a wonderful way to have a fun time with family and friends and still accomplish the goal of having people meet the new couple.
FAQs
The Mother of the Groom Can Co-Host the Bridal Shower
Is it okay for the mother of the groom to host a bridal shower? ›
If there are no plans for a shower two months in advance of the wedding, it is safe for the bride to go ahead and ask her maid of honor to host a shower for her. If the bridal party is not able to host the shower for financial reasons, the bride may ask her mother or the mother of the groom to host the shower.
Should a mother-in-law throw a bridal shower? ›
Anyone who is close to the bride—including her mother, sister, cousin, grandma, or future mother-in-law—can host. It used to be that immediate family members were never named as official hosts.
Does the mom host the bridal shower? ›
Traditionally, the mother of the bride doesn't host the bridal shower (the maid of honor typically assumes the chief shower-planning role), however, your daughter will likely want you to be a part of the celebration.
What does the grooms mother do for the bridal shower? ›
Offer the Mother of the Groom a Role in the Event
"One thing to consider is offering the mother of the groom one major role or contribution for the shower," Tombs recommends. For example, perhaps she provides the flowers for the lunch or maybe she oversees the invite list or catering.
What does the mother of the groom give at the bridal shower? ›
Consider heirloom-worthy serveware or a handmade book featuring your family's secret recipes. Alternatively, opt for items she'll likely need for the wedding. Think: a luxurious getting-ready robe, something blue or travel essentials for the honeymoon.
Who should not host a bridal shower? ›
Traditional etiquette dictates that the maid of honor—not the mother of the bride—should host the shower. Nancy is a freelance writer for MarthaStewart.com. Some etiquette rules were meant to fade away into oblivion, like the one about family members of the bride not hosting her bridal shower.
Does the groom's mother give the bride a gift? ›
Wedding festivities symbolize the union of two souls and the beginning of a new life. It is a thoughtful gesture to exchange gifts on this special occasion. The mother of the groom expresses her affection and welcomes the bride by giving her beautiful, thoughtful presents.
What does a mother-in-law give to daughter in law at bridal shower? ›
Designer accessories make excellent bridal shower gifts from the mother of the groom. Treat your future daughter-in-law to a stunning handbag or silk scarf from a high-end brand. These showstopping accessories will have her feeling like a million bucks on her special day.
What color is the groom's mother supposed to wear? ›
According to Mara Urshel of Kleinfeld Bridal, a dress shop in New York City, pale pinks, greens, and blues are all popular colors; black is appropriate for only the fanciest weddings.
Traditionally, the groom's mother will take care of the rehearsal dinner arrangements and help prepare the guest list for the groom's side of the family. Both tasks should be done with both the bride and the groom's input. Any other responsibilities can be negotiated among the families.
How much money should the groom's parents give? ›
It used to be that the role of the bridegroom's parents was restricted to hosting the rehearsal dinner and leading him down the aisle, but that is no longer the case. In a recent poll by wedding enthusiasts, the Groom's parents cover up to 24% of the wedding costs.
Who is expected to throw a bridal shower? ›
When it comes to the question “who hosts a bridal shower,” the most popular answer is usually the maid of honor. One of the most important maid of honor duties is leading the charge to plan the bridal shower, from choosing a venue to sending out bridal shower invitations, planning games to choosing favors.
Who typically throws a bridal shower? ›
Today, it's common for the maid of honor or matron of honor — sometimes in conjunction with the mother of the bride — to plan the shower. However, the bridesmaids, wedding party, and the bride's family can all pitch in if necessary. Another modern trend is to make bridal showers gender inclusive.
Who typically pays for a bridal shower? ›
In short, the host is the one who pays for the bridal shower—or at least some of it. Most commonly, this is the maid of honor, but the couple's relatives, friends or even the to-be-weds themselves can all pitch in to cover the cost of the wedding shower.
Who should mother of groom invite to bridal shower? ›
When the groom's mother is co-hosting the wedding shower, there should be room on the guest list to include her sisters, aunts, and cousins, too. If you're feeling unsure about the group becoming too large, talk with your wedding shower host about your concerns.
What does a mom give her son on his wedding day? ›
A personalized photo album or picture frame is a timeless and sentimental gift your son and daughter-in-law will cherish for years to come. Fill the album with pictures of special moments and memories that they have shared together, or choose a beautiful picture frame to display a favorite wedding photo.
What is the etiquette for the groom's parents? ›
According to traditional etiquette, the groom's family is responsible for paying for the bride's rings, the groom's and groomsmen's attire, the rehearsal dinner, gifts for the groomsmen, some personal flowers, the officiant's fee, the marriage license fee, certain aspects of transportation, and the honeymoon.
Does the mother of the groom get ready with a bridal party? ›
For starters, it is quite common for the groom's mom to be with the bride the morning of the wedding. "Most often times we see the mother of the groom getting ready with the mother of the bride in the bridal suite," says Manda Worthington, event planner, founder, and CEO of Mae&Co.
