How to Plan the Ultimate Jack and Jill Party (2024)

If your friend or family member is engaged, the celebrating begins long before they actually tie the knot. In the months leading up to their wedding day, there are so many festivities that take place in honor of the future newlyweds. The bridal shower is one particular pre-wedding bash that commemorates the bride-to-be. Typically hosted by the maid of honor, this function gathers a group of the future bride’s closest friends and family, where they “shower” her with gifts, play games, and enjoy refreshments.

To make this traditional shower more inclusive, another iteration is a Jack and Jill party, a couples shower that celebrates both individuals and includes a coed guest list. The purpose of this wedding shower is still the same as a bridal shower: Loved ones buy the duo gifts to use in their married lives. However, the groom and his family and friends are also in attendance. This type of soirée is a relatively new trend that provides an opportunity for the couple of the hour to spend time with their loved ones in a fun, laid-back environment before they say “I do.” “There’s something special about men and women coming together that makes such celebrations more thoughtful,” wedding planner Jennifer Brisman says.

If you're throwing a Jack and Jill party for a friend or family member, we created a complete guide to hosting one. Below, we answer frequently-asked etiquette questions and share a step-by-step guide that will help you plan the ultimate couples shower.

What Is a Jack and Jill Party?

Also known as a couples shower, a Jack and Jill party is a coed wedding shower where the couple's friends and family gather together to celebrate the future spouses ahead of their wedding day. As a replacement to a female-only bridal shower, a Jack and Jill party honors both individuals headed to the altar and includes the bride and groom's loved ones on the guest list. What was originally a fundraising event for the pair has now become a relaxed function that includes gift-giving, games, refreshments, and conversation.

What Are the Origins of a Jack and Jill Party?

This pre-wedding bash originated in Canada. At first, a Jack and Jill party was a way to raise money for the couple to put toward wedding planning or their newlywed lives. In the past, the duo would usually ask their guests to pay an admission fee, or they would host an event that featured fundraising activities, such as a raffle or paid games. Nowadays, thankfully, couples don't charge their guests to attend the celebration. Instead, the only financial aspect involved is a gift for the future spouses.

Jack and Jill Party Etiquette Questions, Answered

If you've been tasked with hosting a Jack and Jill party but you aren't sure what the job entails, below, we've answered some of the most frequently-asked questions, along with insights from Brisman.

Who throws a Jack and Jill party?

A close friend, family member, member of the wedding party, or a combination of guests usually hosts a Jack and Jill party. Ultimately, anyone who is close to the couple and is able to execute the event can throw this pre-wedding celebration, from the mother of the bride to the groom's sister. If you're planning this affair, be sure to keep an open line of communication with the couple, so the affair aligns with their wishes.

When do you throw a Jack and Jill party?

A Jack and Jill party often takes place one to three months before the wedding. However, if there are many out-of-town guests attending the soirée, you might want to secure a date farther away from the day of the wedding—spreading out their travel is a courteous gesture that they'll surely appreciate. Whatever date you choose, before getting the word out, run it by the couple to make sure they're available.

Who gets invited to a Jack and Jill party?

A Jack and Jill party is more intimate in size than a wedding or engagement party, and the numbers should reflect that. Around 30 people or fewer is ideal. Generally, you'll invite family members on both sides, the wedding party, and any other close friends. Ask the duo to make a list of loved ones who they want to attend. The main rule is: Don’t invite anyone to the couples shower who isn’t invited to the wedding.

Who should consider a Jack and Jill party?

A coed couples shower isn't for everyone, Brisman notes. However, this format works particularly well for brides who who want their fathers, brothers, grandfathers, or male friends to get the invitation. It's also a strong candidate for those whose friends and family live far away, so they can spend quality time together before the wedding. If you want members of your wedding party to get to know one another better before the main event, a couples shower is also a wonderful opportunity to make this introduction more seamless.

What gifts are given at a Jack and Jill Party?

Since guests will be honoring both partners, it's important to purchase a gift that each will like—meaning lingerie is off limits. Stick to items that are universal and functional, such as an appliance for their household. You can also buy the couple an experience gift that they can enjoy together like contributing to their honeymoon or giving them a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant.

How should you word the invitations for a Jack and Jill party?

Not everyone will know that a Jack and Jill party is a coed event, so make sure to indicate on the invitation that the celebration will have all genders in attendance. That way, guests can plan their gifts and games accordingly. It also lets guests know that they won’t be attending two separate events.

Can you play games at a Jack and Jill party?

Absolutely! In fact, it’s a great way for guests to get to know each other before the wedding. “If most of the participants are couples, I love doing things like ‘How well do you know your partner?’ or similar games,” Brisman suggests. “They engage guests and make it fun, lively, and memorable.”

How long does a Jack and Jill party last?

The event should last long enough that every guest has an opportunity to engage with the couple but short enough that it isn’t an imposition on guests’ time. Somewhere in the two-to-four hour range is ideal.

How to Plan a Jack and Jill Party

Now that you have an understanding of the proper etiquette, here's how to actually plan a Jack and Jill party. Follow the below steps to pull off the ultimate soirée for the couple.

Decide the Format

The fun part about throwing a Jack and Jill party? There are fewer rules regarding the format. These events can take the form of a brunch, a sit-down dinner, a wine tasting, a co*cktail party in a bar, an informal gathering in a backyard, or a group outing, among many other ideas. While the activities that you include will vary, there is often some sort of organized activity, whether that be a speech or a game.

Create the Guest List

Close family (including both sets of parents, siblings, and grandparents) should be invited, along with the entire wedding party. You can also add any other other close friends of the couple's to the guest list. Unlike bridal showers, at a Jack and Jill party, you can give your guests a plus-one if desired.

Secure the Venue

A Jack and Jill party can take place in virtually any setting, from a hotel rooftop to your own backyard. To go the extra mile, you can even book a venue that has personal significance to the couple. For instance, maybe you throw the fête at the co*cktail bar where the duo went on their first date or the neighborhood restaurant where they got engaged. If you're hosting the event outdoors, make sure the locale has an indoor room in case of inclement weather.

Establish the Menu

The type of Jack and Jill party you host will help determine the menu. If you've decided on a more formal soirée with a sit-down dinner, you'll need to choose a starter, entrée, and side dishes. If your couples shower will have a more casual layout and ambiance, opt for buffet-style appetizers and drinks. When deciding what type of food to serve, make sure there's something on the menu for everyone, both crowd pleasers and allergy-friendly options.

Organize the Programming

Besides eating and drinking, Jack and Jill parties often incorporate additional activities. Instead of asking guests to stand around and talk for two to four hours, which Brisman says can be redundant, organize a few interactive components that will occupy everyone's attention. Cooking classes and guessing games are always popular with guests, while lawn games are particularly well suited for outdoor festivities.

Set Up the Space

Focusing on decorations that represent the couple will make the Jack and Jill party more meaningful. Collect cute photos of the couple over the years and place them around the room as décor, or take inspiration from their shared hobbies, such as a travel-themed event for jet-setters or records for music lovers. When in doubt, floral arrangements will look stunning at any type of couples shower.

Be the Ultimate Host

Remember that many people have never attended a Jack and Jill party before. Since it will be a new experience for most, go the extra mile to help guests feel comfortable. Greet them at the door (with a co*cktail!) and let them know how excited you are to have them be part of this special occasion.