Each Wednesday, we tackle wedding etiquette. At times, it’s a reader question or one from a colleague, friend or family member and other times we’ll cover a popular issue. (Note: Questions may be edited for clarity and brevity.) This installment is from former New Orleans Bride Magazine’s etiquette columnist, Dee Lane.
Question: My soon-to-be sister-in-law wants to throw me a bridal shower, but my mother says family members (even ones who aren’t family yet) shouldn’t throw showers. Is this true? If so, why?
Answer: Tradition says that a shower shouldn’t be thrown by the bride’s immediate relatives, including future in-laws, because it might give the impression that you’re asking for gifts. Now, we all know that guests bring gifts to showers, and that any bride worth her salt is much more interested in spending time with friends and family, and having them get to know each other, than receiving a gift. Which is why these days it has become perfectly acceptable for a family member to host a shower.
Another shower trend is several people sharing the responsibility for the party. Often the maid of honor will throw a shower in conjunction with the bridesmaids, or a group of the bride’s mother’s friends will get together to share the cost and tasks. Regardless of who throws the shower, the host(s) and the bride should greet guests as they arrive.
These days brides will often have more than one shower. If this is the case, the hosts should consult each other to avoid inviting guests to more than one shower (the obvious exceptions to this are the bridesmaids, who should be invited to all of the showers, but not expected to attend).
As with almost everything about throwing showers, for every rule there is an exception, and while you should only invite people to the shower who are on your wedding guest list, the exception to this rule is the office shower. Though it isn’t usually possible to invite all of your colleagues to your wedding, they will most likely want to help you celebrate regardless.
The shower invitation is also an exception to the rule of not printing registry information; in fact, it’s the perfect place to do so. Ask your hosts to add a line at the bottom of the invitation after the relevant details that says something like: “Jane and John are registered at Amazon and Anthropologie.”
Throwing a shower is an exceptionally generous act, so while a handwritten thank-you note is acceptable (and necessary), you should also give the hosts a small gift, such as a gift certificate or a selection of little luxuries; matching your gift to the theme of the shower, if there is one, is a nice touch.
Do you have a solution to share or a wedding etiquette question? Respond in the comments or emailMelanie@MyNewOrleans.com.
Save the datefor our June 2018 Bridal Show, June 12at the Hyatt Regency New Orleans.Click here for tickets and more information.
This article originally appears in theWinter 2018issue of New Orleans Bride.
FAQs
Often the maid of honor will throw a shower in conjunction with the bridesmaids, or a group of the bride's mother's friends will get together to share the cost and tasks. Regardless of who throws the shower, the host(s) and the bride should greet guests as they arrive.
Who is expected to throw a bridal shower? ›
When it comes to the question “who hosts a bridal shower,” the most popular answer is usually the maid of honor. One of the most important maid of honor duties is leading the charge to plan the bridal shower, from choosing a venue to sending out bridal shower invitations, planning games to choosing favors.
Who should not host a bridal shower? ›
Traditional etiquette dictates that the maid of honor—not the mother of the bride—should host the shower. Nancy is a freelance writer for MarthaStewart.com. Some etiquette rules were meant to fade away into oblivion, like the one about family members of the bride not hosting her bridal shower.
Who throws the bridal shower if there is no bridal party? ›
If there are no plans for a shower two months in advance of the wedding, it is safe for the bride to go ahead and ask her maid of honor to host a shower for her. If the bridal party is not able to host the shower for financial reasons, the bride may ask her mother or the mother of the groom to host the shower.
Who is in charge of throwing a bridal shower? ›
The maid of honor traditionally takes on the role of chief shower planner. But she isn't a one-woman show: She relies on the bridesmaids to help her with planning logistics. On the day of, the girls run the party, making sure everything goes smoothly and that guests are taken care of.
Who typically pays for a bridal shower? ›
In short, the host is the one who pays for the bridal shower—or at least some of it. Most commonly, this is the maid of honor, but the couple's relatives, friends or even the to-be-weds themselves can all pitch in to cover the cost of the wedding shower.
Does the mother of the bride give a bridal shower? ›
Can the mother of the bride host a bridal shower? Answer: While your grandmother is correct that historically the mother of the bride did not host a bridal shower, it's one of those rules of etiquette that has fallen away.
Does the groom's mom throw a bridal shower? ›
The Mother of the Groom Can Co-Host the Bridal Shower
Tombs says this event is generally hosted by the mother of the bride or the bride's closest friends. If the mother of the groom is very close with the bride, then she may feel as though it's her duty to pitch in, too.
Should you invite your mother-in-law to a bridal shower? ›
It's also pretty common today that brides have more than one shower for various reasons. Hosts of the different showers should be sure to consult each other on dates and guest lists so there isn't any overlap. It is common for Bridesmaids, mom and mother-in-laws to be invited to all showers.
Who typically gives a bridal shower? ›
Therefore, and according to tradition, the bridal shower was not likely hosted by the immediate family, as it would be seen as a gift-grab. Instead, she says the shower is typically hosted by aunts, cousins, and/or friends of the bride.
CostHelper.com, a website that compares the cost of services, reports that a typical bridal shower can run from $15 to $40 per person for a luncheon or party in a private room at a mid-range restaurant. If you're going all out with an elaborate bridal shower, you could be talking $40 to $150 or more (gasp!) per person.
What is etiquette for a bridal shower? ›
Since showers are intended for the bride's nearest and dearest, every shower guest must already be on the wedding guest list. Because it's understood that guests should bring a present to a shower, it's not appropriate to invite people whom you don't plan to include in the wedding.
What is the mother of the bride responsible for? ›
The mother of the bride plays the role of hostess, meaning you should spend some time greeting guests during the reception. Although there are exceptions, other wedding-day duties may include sitting at the parents' table and dancing with the father of the bride to help warm up the dance floor.
What do the groom's parents pay for? ›
The groom's family traditionally paid for all costs associated with the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon, wedding day transportation, and the officiant. The groom paid for the bride's engagement ring, wedding ring, and groomsmen gifts. It is also common for the groom's family to pay for the alcohol at the reception.
What is the difference between a wedding shower and a bridal shower? ›
The bridal shower is designed for just you and the girls while the wedding shower is a co-ed party where the bride and groom both get showered with gifts and love. If you're a bride who loves to party and celebrate, then have both a wedding shower and bridal shower!
What does the mother of the groom give at the bridal shower? ›
Consider heirloom-worthy serveware or a handmade book featuring your family's secret recipes. Alternatively, opt for items she'll likely need for the wedding. Think: a luxurious getting-ready robe, something blue or travel essentials for the honeymoon.
Who throws a bridal shower traditionally? ›
Today, it's common for the maid of honor or matron of honor — sometimes in conjunction with the mother of the bride — to plan the shower. However, the bridesmaids, wedding party, and the bride's family can all pitch in if necessary. Another modern trend is to make bridal showers gender inclusive.
Who is usually invited to a bridal shower? ›
A bridal shower is a more intimate gathering than a wedding and the guest list usually consists of the bride-to-be's closest female friends and relatives, including close relatives of the soon-to-be-bride's spouse.
What is the etiquette for bridal showers? ›
Since showers are intended for the bride's nearest and dearest, every shower guest must already be on the wedding guest list. Because it's understood that guests should bring a present to a shower, it's not appropriate to invite people whom you don't plan to include in the wedding.
What is the groom's responsibility for the bridal shower? ›
Modern etiquette suggests that he show up toward the end of the shower to say hello and help stock up the car full of gifts. Some men even drop in for a few fun games. Older tradition suggests that he arrive with a bouquet of flowers for his bride.
