Common wedding etiquette indicates that a bride should never host or plan her own bridal shower. The reason for this is that, unlike a bachelorette or engagement party, the entire purpose of a bridal shower is to “shower” the host of honor with gifts. As a result, organizing such a soirée for yourself is seen as a gauche way to ask for presents. In decades past, it was also seen as improper for the mother to throw a shower, as it was expected that the bride was still living at home until marriage. Since this is no longer the case for many women, some social circles are more relaxed on this policy.
However, it’s still most common for the maid of honor or bridesmaids to offer to throw a shower. While the discourse online will frequently note that you should not expect such things from your bridesmaids, it’s likely that at one point they will ask about a bridal shower. In your efforts to not seem demanding, don’t forget to actually provide the information they need to host the fête you’ve imagined.
The Guest List
For starters, they need to know the guest list. Taking a stab at that can be very risky, particularly when it comes to including the right relatives from your future spouse’s family. Don’t forget the addresses too! If you have a few different social circles, the host of your shower may not have a way to contact prospective attendees on their own.
Prospective Dates
Knowing when to host the party is key as well. It’s one thing to share when you’re going to be out of town, but your bridesmaids may not know that August is a busy time at work. Offer a few options so they can figure out what works best with their own schedules.
Preferred Details
As long as they ask for input, it’s okay to share a theme you’ve always dreamed of or a preferred color scheme. Just try not to micromanage – because remember, you’re not the one planning!
FAQs
The maid of honor traditionally takes on the role of chief shower planner. But she isn't a one-woman show: She relies on the bridesmaids to help her with planning logistics. On the day of, the girls run the party, making sure everything goes smoothly and that guests are taken care of.
Are bridesmaids supposed to plan the bridal shower? ›
The maid of honor traditionally takes on the role of chief shower planner. But she isn't a one-woman show: She relies on the bridesmaids to help her with planning logistics. On the day of, the girls run the party, making sure everything goes smoothly and that guests are taken care of.
What not to do when planning a bridal shower? ›
Don't invite anyone who isn't invited to the wedding. It will make it awkward to have a guest at the shower but not on the wedding list. The bride can help you with the guest list. Don't give raunchy gifts at the bridal shower.
Do bridesmaids help pay for the shower? ›
Key Takeaway: The host is the one who usually pays for the bridal shower. However, if needed, others can help, too. The planning process can be a beautiful collaboration between the maid of honor, the bridesmaids, the bride's mother, and the groom's mother. And yes, even the bride can join in if she wants!
Are bridesmaids supposed to give a shower gift? ›
Yes, if you are invited to a shower in addition to the wedding, you're expected to bring a gift to the shower as well as send a wedding gift. You shouldn't spend more than you're comfortable with, however (see the next answer), and can split your budget between both gifts.
How much should a bridesmaid spend on a bridal shower? ›
These pre-wedding celebrations can be a significant financial commitment. Bridal showers typically cost bridesmaids around $50 to $150, depending on the chosen venue, decorations, and activities.
Who should not host a bridal shower? ›
It had long been considered a breach of etiquette for the bride's family members to host showers. Why? Because the main point of a shower is to give gifts to the bride and it could seem as if her family were asking for gifts.
Who pays for the bridal shower? ›
In short, the host is the one who pays for the bridal shower—or at least some of it. Most commonly, this is the maid of honor, but the couple's relatives, friends or even the to-be-weds themselves can all pitch in to cover the cost of the wedding shower.
How many months before your wedding should you have a bridal shower? ›
Timing Is Everything
Most bridal showers are usually held three weeks to three months before the wedding. The trick is not to plan it too far in advance or too close to the wedding date.
What is etiquette for a bridal shower? ›
Since showers are intended for the bride's nearest and dearest, every shower guest must already be on the wedding guest list. Because it's understood that guests should bring a present to a shower, it's not appropriate to invite people whom you don't plan to include in the wedding.
Convention dictates that she's financially responsible for hosting the bridal shower and the bachelorette party, which can amount to several hundred (possibly even thousand) dollars, depending on the location and events planned.
Do bridesmaids get invited to all showers? ›
These days brides will often have more than one shower. If this is the case, the hosts should consult each other to avoid inviting guests to more than one shower (the obvious exceptions to this are the bridesmaids, who should be invited to all of the showers, but not expected to attend).
What do you ask bridesmaids to pay for? ›
If the bride is paying for the bridesmaid dresses, then it's reasonable to ask the bridesmaids to cover the cost of their own shoes and even jewellery, hair and makeup. Just like with the dresses, you'll have to let go of the reins if you go for this option, so set some boundaries early on to avoid disappointment!
What do bridesmaids do for bridal shower? ›
Help plan and pay for the bridal shower and bachelorette party. The maid (or matron) of honor is in charge of the parties, but bridesmaids are expected to have ideas, give feedback, help decorate, chip in cash, and assist with the hostess duties. If you're on a limited budget, be up front about it.
What should a bride pay for her bridesmaids? ›
It's standard for the bride to cover the cost of bouquets, transportation to and from the wedding venue, and a gift to her bridesmaids. Optional costs may include hair and makeup, hotel accommodations, bridesmaids' dresses, and a bridesmaids' luncheon (if hosted by the bride).
How much money to give as a bridesmaid? ›
Wedding Gift - Most bridesmaids spend anywhere from $50 to $100 on a wedding gift. With that in mind, it's also important to take your other expenses into consideration. The couple understands that you've spent a good chunk of change on everything else, so don't feel like you have to go overboard on your wedding gift.
Who typically plans and pays for bridal shower? ›
In short, the host is the one who pays for the bridal shower—or at least some of it. Most commonly, this is the maid of honor, but the couple's relatives, friends or even the to-be-weds themselves can all pitch in to cover the cost of the wedding shower.
What is the protocol for a bridal shower? ›
"If someone is not invited to the wedding, they should not be invited to the shower." For the bridal shower, this usually includes the bridal party and the couple's family and close friends. The number of people invited depends on how large the event is intended to be.
Should brides plan their own bridal shower? ›
Absolutely not ok! Bridal showers are to be hosted for you, if someone is able to do so, but they are not a requirement. Hosting your own shower and/or bachelorette party is a huge faux pas.
Does the mother of the bride plan the bridal shower? ›
Traditionally, the mother of the bride doesn't host the bridal shower (the maid of honor typically assumes the chief shower-planning role), however, your daughter will likely want you to be a part of the celebration.
