23 Ways to Include Friends & Family in Your Elopement (2024)

When deciding on whether or not an elopement is right for you, one of the biggest concerns a lot of couples face is the feeling that you’ll be excluding all the important people in your life.

Maybe you’re dreaming of a private elopement, but you’re dealing with a lot of pushback from your family, or your best friends who keep nagging you for that invitation. Maybe you’re torn between the idea of eloping versus wanting to celebrate with your friends.

But elopements don’t have to be exclusionary! This is one of the biggest myths in the elopement industry, and I want to bust it right now.

For one, there are plenty of eloping couples who invite a few guests to their ceremony. It’s no less an elopement even if there are guests! It’s all about intention, and keeping the focus on the couple. I’ve photographed elopements with up to 20 guests, and they’ve been some of the most intimate, meaningful days I’ve witnessed.

On the other hand, you might be dreaming of a totally private ceremony with nobody else but your love. Maybe you dream of some epic backpacking elopement in some remote wilderness, and you know for a fact none of your family would be down for anything remotely like that. Maybe privacy is really important to you, and you want a quiet, secluded space to share your innermost feelings with your partner, with no distractions and no audience. You feel it in your heart that you can’t imagine bringing anyone else into that fold, even if you love your friends and family dearly. But… you might be unsure how everyone might respond to your decision. They might think you’re being selfish, or wonder why you’re shutting everyone out. Put simply, you’re worried they just might not understand your intentions.

Whatever the case may be, I’m here to tell you, it’s still totally possible to include your loved ones in your marriage plans! Eloping is NOT selfish, and it absolutely does NOT have to exclude the people you love.

Inviting guests to be a part of your celebrations

1. Invite them Along for the adventure!

First one is obvious—bring them along for the ride!

Know that even if you want to invite some guests, you don’t have to invite them along for the entire day if you don’t want to.

Maybe you want a super private ceremony, but would love to celebrate and share some drinks with your best friends afterward—or vice versa, maybe you’d love for your family to witness your vows, but after that you really want some alone time to adventure just the two of you.

2. Throw a two-day elopement: one day just for you two, then a second day that includes others

With a two-day elopement, one day could be centered around the two of you adventuring around and holding an intimate ceremony that’s just for the two of you (which can also feel a little like a kind of honeymoon!), then the next day you invite some guests to come out and celebrate with you. This is a great option for couples eloping at a destination, to really maximize your time to explore and soak in the scenery! Basically, the best of both worlds.

Some folks even opt for two ceremonies: a private vow exchange one day, then another ceremony to share with their loved ones on the other day! It's totally okay to read your vows aloud twice: really, it's just another chance to hear them and let the words sink in since emotions are gonna be running high the whole time.

(This could also be great if you’re doing a commitment ceremony, or want to elope without an officiant, then have a separate ceremony that fulfills the legal requirement.)

3. ask someone special to officiate your ceremony

Some of my favorite elopements are ones that are officiated by friends or family members of the couple. What an incredible honor to be married by someone who has known and loved you for a long time, and what an honor to officiate a ceremony for a friend! This is also a great option for a highly intimate and meaningful ceremony, where everyone involved is special to you. Prepare for the waterworks!

Did you know? Getting ordained is super easy to do online, and anyone in the US above the age of 18 can become ordained! If you have a friend or family member in mind that might enjoy the honor of officiating your ceremony, I recommend they check out the Universal Life Church to get ordained.

(There are also plenty of other options for online ordinations, like the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster! Yes, for real. You can get married by a Pastafarian minister, 100% legally. Spaghetti strainer headgear optional.)

The same week that L+R’s elopement was scheduled, they ended up realizing they still needed an officiant. They asked their best friend to step in, whom I helped get ordained, and I gave him some resources to help him form his ceremony script in time. He did such a fantastic job, and the ceremony ended up being one of the most memorable I’ve ever had the honor of photographing, especially since it was so highly personal! He was able to draw on meaningful memories for the both of them, and of course, he couldn’t help but slip in a few inside jokes that went way back that he knew would make them laugh.

4. Let them sign as your witnesses

Many states require 1-2 witness signatures on the marriage paperwork. Consider asking one or two of your VIPs to sign your marriage license!

5. Invite them to share some words during your ceremony

One of my favorite things about intimate ceremonies is that everyone there can ends up feeling like more a part of the ceremony itself, rather than just merely an attendant or a witness. When there are a small handful of guests, there’s enough time for everyone to truly be a part of it.

I’ve seen ceremonies where the officiant and couple take a moment to pause and let every guest take the floor for a moment, sharing words with the couple, like a short toast, a blessing, a predetermined reading, a bit of sage marriage advice, or simply a heartfelt expression of love.

This level of intimacy and inclusion simply can’t be matched when there are a hundred or more guests. There’s rarely a dry eye at elopement ceremonies for this reason, and why I think intimate ceremonies can be even more moving and meaningful than any ceremony at a large wedding.

6. Give them a role

Of course, with any wedding, it’s easy to give your VIPs special roles within your wedding party. Even if you aren’t throwing a big wedding, you can still have a best man (or best woman, or best person) or maid/matron of honor (or man of honor, or person of honor). In fact, many eloping couples who invite guests end up with a tiny little wedding party of their own!

Other ideas of what a role might look like on your elopement day: maybe you have a friend who is a florist who can do your flowers, or a friend who’s great with hair and makeup who can join you for the getting ready part of the day. Maybe you’ve got kids who could fill the role of flower girl or ringbearer. Maybe you know a musician, and you ask them to come perform for your ceremony or serenade you at your elopement “reception”.

For couples who want the “just Us” experience

7. Have them write you notes to read on your elopement day

Ask your loved ones to write you notes to read with one another on your elopement day! Handwriting a letter is such a special act in and of itself, and the thought that you'll be reading their words on your wedding day in some epic location is a great honor.

Maybe you take these letters and read them together during your ceremony, or later in the evening when you two are enjoying a mountaintop picnic. Or perhaps you save them to read when you get back to your cabin for the evening, just the two of you.

You could also ask folks to attach little notes on small pieces of paper that you'll read during your ceremony as words of wisdom and marriage advice that you'll vow to hold with you through your years together. Or, you could ask folks to send you notes with ideas for your marriage bucket list: things to do or accomplish with one another, whether it's adventurous things like going skydiving together, or relationship goals like saying "I love you" before going to bed every single night of your marriage.

8. Dedicate time for a video call

This is a fantastic way for your loved ones to feel included on your actual wedding day. Many times, people just want to share in the excitement and express their love, and being able to see you two all dolled-up and smiling in your wedding garb may be just what they need to feel included.

This is an especially thoughtful gesture if there are folks you want to invite, but who unfortunately can’t make it due to travel restrictions, health issues, or otherwise. Maybe your grandparents can’t physically join you on a several-mile hike through the backcountry for a ceremony that’s taking place halfway across the world, but a video call they can take from their living room!

9. Ask your loved ones to make you video toasts to watch on your elopement day

If you like this idea, you might consider having a designated friend or family member in charge of gathering clips and assembling a sort of video slideshow which stitches them altogether into the same video, and sending it to you to watch on your elopement day!

As J+M’s elopement day celebrations were coming to a close and they decided to switch into their cozy PJs, they were surprised to find that one of their friends had made them a whole reel of little video toasts from all their best friends from around the world. What a way to end their wedding day!

10. Make a video toast to send them

Flip of that last one—take some time on your elopement to give your loved ones a shoutout! Maybe you take a moment after your ceremony to film a quick, candid selfie video of the two of you, capturing that moment just after you two say your I-do’s.

(Or, you could ask your photographer to hold the phone for you while you make your video!)

11. Send them photos during your elopement day

Even if it’s just an iPhone photo, sending some pictures or clips throughout the day is a really thoughtful way to let your favorite people know you’re thinking of them, and it gives them a little “behind the scenes” window into your day which they’ll love. I love getting some behind-the-scenes clips and photos during my elopements for this very reason!

12. Open gifts from your loved ones

If it’s feasible for you to bring along gifts, consider devoting some time during your elopement day to open them! You could make it a point to get on a video call with them while you do, so they can see your reactions and so you can give them thanks.

13. Send gifts to your loved ones

Again, flipping that previous idea: a wonderful way to make people feel included is with some small gifts or “elopement favors”! Even if they weren’t there, a favor would make an excellent surprise for your loved ones.

Ideas for what your elopement favor could be:

• craft beer or booze or some yummy signature snack local to wherever you eloped

• hand-signed Polaroids from your elopement day (!)

• a custom designed or engraved gift with your names or date on it

14. Include a family heirloom or other significant mementos into your elopement

Maybe you have a “something old”, or “something borrowed.” Just because you’re eloping doesn’t mean you can’t incorporate certain wedding traditions!

For example, maybe there’s a piece of heirloom jewelry you can wear that will bring the memory of certain past family members into your day. Although this article is specifically written about ways to involve your loved ones, I also encourage you to think of ways you might be able to honor those who can’t make it to your wedding, including those who may have passed.

Consider too: including certain family traditions or heirlooms might also mean a lot more to certain family members than it would to you, which can be a really respectful way to make them happy even if they aren’t getting an invitation to the ceremony itself.

A real life example I want to highlight is this beautiful hand-painted picnic basket which was a part of C+R’s elopement. C told me about picnics from her childhood that she took with this same basket, and how it had been in the family for at least a few generations. Bringing it along for their elopement was a really special and unique way to honor both the past and the future.

15. Bring them into the planning process

Continuing on that last point… even if you don’t want to invite anyone to the elopement itself, it’s still possible to include people in the planning process! And it’s a process not wholly unlike planning a big, traditional wedding: you’ve got to find a location, pick a date, hire a photographer and all your other vendors, decide on any décor, and so on.

While I’m a huge believer that planning an elopement is WAY easier than planning a big wedding, it’s still not a path you have to walk alone! Consult your friends for help!

Maybe you get together with a few friends to peruse Pinterest and brainstorm locations together, or dream up all the wild activities you two will do on your adventure elopement.

Once you get your photos back, that friend’s gonna be able to say: Hell yeah! I helped them pick that epic spot!

Other ideas for how your friends can help: maybe you have friends who are really crafty, and you invite them to help you make some décor, like custom signs to bring along on your hike, or a centerpiece you can bring for the picnic dinner you’re planning for your elopement. Maybe you know a great baker who can whip you up some dessert to send with you on your adventure! Maybe you’ve got a friend with a Cricut machine who can help you DIY some customized champagne flutes. Maybe you know a blacksmith who could fashion you some wedding rings. (I’ve seen it before!)

I always love to see when couples invite people they love to help bring their elopement vision to life—thoughtful, personal details like these can make the day all the more meaningful and memorable.

16. Shop for wedding attire together

Even if your best friends might not be there for the day itself—and maybe they aren’t master bakers or blacksmiths!—I’m sure they’d be thrilled to come with while you shop for your dress or other attire! Similarly, if you’ll be doing any tastings like cake tastings or catering tastings, you could consider bringing along your crew.

17. Throw a reception for your friends & family at a later date

Lots of couples who elope end up throwing some kind of party for everyone back home afterward. This might be the evening of your elopement like mentioned a few points above, or it might be shortly after you get back from your elopement trip, or it could be a totally different date altogether. One popular option I’ve seen is a couple’s first wedding anniversary—how better to celebrate than that?

Some couples even opt to hold another ceremony, whether an informal vow-renewal-style ceremony or a ceremony lead by an ordained celebrant. That way, your guests can witness your vows, and you two can remember and reflect upon the promises that brought you two together in the first place. (I’ve also seen couples get “secretly” married on their elopement day, then get “publicly” married during their post-elopement ceremony/reception party.)

Other couples just want to party at their post-elopement reception, which is also totally cool! Folks will still be excited to celebrate with you even if there isn’t a ceremony.

18. Throw a SEND-OFF party Beforehand

Flip of the last idea: instead of a party afterward, consider a party before! Maybe it’s an engagement party, or maybe it’s a sort of “elopement send off” party, where you gather all your favorite people for a big party before heading out on your combination elopement trip plus honeymoon. An event like this can feel quite formal if you want it to, and you could even ask people to make toasts or bring wedding gifts.

19. Send out elopement announcements before the big day

This can be a fun way to let people know about your plans, and even if they might not be invited, they can get in on the excitement!

You could also use your announcement card as an opportunity to share the ways you will be including them: maybe you mention in your announcement that you’re asking everyone to write you letters that you’ll read that day, or that you’re inviting them to your reception at some later date. You can also include a short note that explains your decision to elope, if you think it’s necessary.

Before I say anything else, I MUST give one major caveat with this point: when it comes to the most important people in your life, like your immediate family, your closest friends, or other super-close relatives, I do NOT recommend using a card to break the news that you’re eloping. I recommend telling these people in person.

If you’re really stressed or uncertain about how someone in your family might take the news, you could also consider writing them a handwritten letter. That way, you have time to think about what points you want to make and take the time to perfect your 'argument’, explaining why you two are making the choice to elope, and how important it is to the two of you that you get married in this way.

Writing a letter is a great way for you to share the news in a manner that is respectful and caring yet to-the-point, and you can make it clear that this isn’t up for debate: this is happening. The decision has already been made. Plus, you can rest a little easier knowing you aren’t going to see their initial reaction to the news. They’ll have time to think it through for themselves before you see them next, and in that time they might have had a chance to mull it over more and come to their own understanding.

20. Send out announcements afterward to share the news!

One of my favorite ways to include others—send them a postcard! Here at Wilderpines, we make custom, personalized elopement announcement postcards that our couples can send out to share the news and tease about how epic the adventure was, inspired by old National Park Service and Forest Service advertisem*nts for a unique, timeless memento.

If not an announcement card, you could also use one of the sneak peek photos that your photographer gives you right after your elopement to announce the big news.

As you can see, there are TONS of ways to involve your favorite people into your elopement! So, if you’re still on the fence about whether eloping is the right choice, if you’re unsure what people might think or say, just know that your elopement day doesn’t have to exclude anyone if you don’t want it to.

The bottom line is this: your elopement day can be whatever you want it to be—emphasis on that ‘you’ part. If you want to elope just the two of you and give nods to your loved ones from afar, or you want to invite all your favorite folks to stand alongside you as you share your vows, both of those are the right answer!

YOU DO YOU!

HEY THERE, WE’RE

WILDERPINES ELOPEMENTS

Creating wildly intentional & intimate adventure elopements for rad couples in the PNW

We’re here to inspire you and help you create a unique, intentional, unforgettable wedding experience that reflects who you are, then to capture it all so you can relive those moments forever.

If you’re looking for more information on how to elope in the Pacific Northwest or beyond, get in touch and let’s start planning your dream elopement!

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