Dear Life Kit: Should I spend $1,000 on a wedding gift?
Photo illustration by Becky Harlan/Getty Images/NPR
Photo illustration by Becky Harlan/Getty Images/NPR
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Myka Meier is the founder of Beaumont Etiquette and co-founder of the Plaza Hotel's Finishing Program. Photograph by Myka Meier/ Collage by NPR hide caption
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Photograph by Myka Meier/ Collage by NPR
These questions were answered by etiquette coach Myka Meier, who teaches courses in social etiquette, public speaking and the art of the afternoon tea. The conversation has been edited for length and clarity.
Dear Life Kit, My friend recently told me that each plate at her wedding costs $500. She generously gave me a plus-one for my boyfriend of five months. Is it true you should give a gift equal to what the couple spent on you? In this case, $1,000.
I was thinking of getting her a gift in the $500 range and asking my boyfriend to pay a third of it. Is that enough of a gift for her, and is it rude to ask my boyfriend to cover part of the present? — Cheap date
That is kind of an old wives' tale that you have to spend what the couple spent on you, because that's often not possible for many people. At the end of the day, you need to stay within your budget. According to a 2019 survey by The Knot, a wedding website, the average person spends $120 on a wedding gift. So if you were to spend $500, that would be a very generous gift.
You asked if you should let your date chip in. My answer is no. I do not think it's fair. You're the one being invited and the plus-one is just your guest. Just lower the amount you're spending on the gift to something you're more comfortable with.
As for the bride, technically, it's not correct etiquette to tell somebody what you're spending on them. I would advise a couple getting married never to share what they're spending on their guests because it could also make their guests feel guilty.
Dear Life Kit, My future son-in-law thinks that I, a divorced mother of two daughters, should pay the traditional bride-of-the-family expenses [which customarily include big-ticket items like the venue, photographer and flowers, according to Brides Magazine].
I am a teacher who is a year and a half away from retirement. He earns more than I do and he has a large family. What should I do? — Modern mother-of-the-bride
This is an outdated and old-fashioned rule that no longer applies to modern wedding etiquette. Today, couples often pay for the wedding themselves. Sometimes different families contribute different amounts — somebody pays for the rehearsal dinner or flowers. Sometimes they don't put anything in other than their time, which is also of huge value.
Sit down with both families when you first start planning and decide who is going to be in charge of what. You can still show up in big ways without it being financial.
This digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, or sign up for our newsletter.
FAQs
While the amount you should gift a couple depends on a number of factors, data from The Knot reveals that U.S. wedding guests spend an average of $160 on cash gifts. "It's common to give anywhere from $100 to $1,000. I often see the card box on the gift table oozing with overstuffed envelopes," Burton says.
How much is enough for a wedding gift? ›
The Average Wedding Gift Amount
"While it varies based on demographic, region, and culture, the average amount that I've seen a guest spend on a wedding gift has traditionally been in the $100 to $150 per guest attending range," shares wedding planner Elizabeth Priya Kumar.
How much do you give for a wedding gift if not attending? ›
It's nice to send a small wedding gift if you can. Check out the couple's wedding registry and pick something that's relatively affordable (think less than $50), or maybe contribute some money to their honeymoon cash fund. The amount you put toward the gift should reflect your closeness to this family member.
Is $100 enough for a bridal shower gift? ›
If you're only invited to the shower and wedding, it's suggested to divide your budget by 30-70. Considering that the average wedding gift in 2023 was $150*, reverse calculation brings us to a budget of $50 to $75. So, if you're pondering whether $100 is enough for a bridal shower gift, the answer is a definite yes.
What is a respectable cash gift for a wedding? ›
They suggest the following breakdown: coworkers or distant relatives should spend 50 to 75 dollars. Friends or relatives, 75 to 100 dollars. For close friends, family members, or if you're in the wedding party, you should spend 100 to 150 dollars—or more.
Is $1000 enough for a wedding? ›
While these numbers are, admittedly, a lot, you can definitely have most of the elements of a traditional wedding for a $1,000 budget. You just need to be creative - and a little bit flexible.
What percentage of wedding guests don't give a gift? ›
That said, it's highly likely that not every guest at a wedding will oblige. In fact, it's been estimated that between 7 and 10% of guests at a wedding fail to give a gift.
Is $300 a lot for a wedding gift? ›
Anyone who received a separate invitation from their parents to the wedding should give their own gift. Because a family gift tends to include more people, it is customary to be on the nicer end of the registry, spending in the $200 to $300 range, but, again, stick to what fits within your budget.
How much money should groom's parents give? ›
It used to be that the role of the bridegroom's parents was restricted to hosting the rehearsal dinner and leading him down the aisle, but that is no longer the case. In a recent poll by wedding enthusiasts, the Groom's parents cover up to 24% of the wedding costs.
How much to put in a wedding card? ›
If you do not know them well and you are stuck for ideas, or you do not really know their personal style, you could play it safe by giving cash or a gift voucher. If you are wondering how much to put in a wedding card, around £20 to £30 is a generous amount.
If they don't have a registry, a practical keepsake is always a safe bet, think glass or barware, a beautiful bowl, cutlery, a cake slice, a blanket, a picnic basket or an oven dish. Coffee table books or art prints are a more contemporary choice.
Is $100 too little for a wedding gift? ›
If it's a co-worker or a distant friend, TheKnot.com recommends guests give at least $75-$100 on the wedding present. If your guest is a relative or a friend, the wedding website suggests somewhere between $100 and $125.
What is the average price for a wedding gift? ›
Key takeaways. The average wedding gift is $100 per wedding guest. But many factors can nudge that gift amount up or down. Make sure you aren't giving more than you can afford.
Is $40 enough for a bridal shower gift? ›
The average you should spend on a bridal shower gift is around $50 to $75. If you're especially close to the bride, you may spend upwards of $100. But no matter what, the amount you want to spend is up to you! Since there are no hard-and-fast rules for gift-giving at bridal showers, items can range in price.
Is $50 enough for a bridal shower? ›
The standard amount to spend on a bridal shower gift is around $50-$75. If you're invited to a bridal shower but not particularly close with the bride, expect to spend at least $25.
Is $2000 too much for a wedding gift? ›
What is a good cash wedding gift amount for one person? If you're flying solo and just a casual friend of the bride or groom, then you can spend $75-$100 on your gift. Even if you're a super close friend of the couple, $500 is the most you should give. $2,000 might be too much.
Is 500 a good amount for a wedding gift? ›
It makes a nice gesture, without being too much. At the end of the day, it is still completely up to you. Gift the amount of money that you feel comfortable with - whether that's £10 or £500! The newlyweds are sure to appreciate the gesture, and the most important thing to them is that you were there.
How much should you spend on a wedding gift in 2024? ›
Average wedding gift cost
| Relationship | Recommended wedding gift |
|---|
| Casual friend or acquaintance | $75 – $100 |
| Close friends | $100 – $150+ |
| Distant relatives | $50 – $75 |
| Close family members | $150 – $300+ |
2 more rowsApr 2, 2024
