Public Speaking Experts Share Their Top Tips for Giving an Amazing Wedding Speech (2024)

Most people would agree that public speaking isn't easy, and this is especially true when you're feeling the added pressure that comes along with giving a speech at a loved one's wedding. Not only do you have the attention of dozens (if not hundreds!) of guests you probably don't know, but you're also trying to appeal to a group of people in a wide range of ages from all different phases of the couple's lives. What's more, you want your speech to delight the couple of the hour and be as appealing to your group of friends as it to the newlyweds' grandparents. All in all, it's a tough task.

Before you panic, know that we're here to help. Ahead, we're sharing a comprehensive guide on what you should include in your speech, how to nail your delivery, and questions to consider to get the brainstorming process started—all from noteworthy speakers, well-established speechwriters, and wedding planners (who have seen it all).

Wedding Speech Template

Every great wedding speech has one thing in common: the right flow. Factor in these guidelines to help you find your own organic rhythm.

Open With a Statement or Question

Don't lead with a joke or a reference to how nervous you are. "The goal is to engage your audience, not make it a boring one-way message," says award-winning motivational speaker Jaime Pfeffer. "You'll lose them if you do this."

Introduce Yourself

After your opener, introduce yourself, says Fallon Carter, a wedding planner, even designer, and professional speaker. "A lot of times, people don't know who is speaking, and they don't know their relationship to the bride or the groom," she says. "It's really important to identify yourself, so make sure you've prepared something."

Address Your Audience

As speaker and life strategy coach Mark Black, CSP, points out, focusing on yourself only enhances nerves. "Instead, concentrate on your audience and how you want them to feel. This will help you to speak from the heart, allowing your speech to do what it's supposed to do: Make the couple feel special while also engaging the audience."

Focus on a Few Points

Seasoned speaker Susan Bender Phelps, CEO of Odyssey Mentoring & Leadership, says her top guideline is to select one to three aspects of the newlyweds that you love and appreciate, along with no more than three short stories to illustrate each of these points (or that one point). "The simple, succinct story or stories where the bride and groom are the hero will work best." This is an excellent way to structure your speech and keep your message focused.

How Long Wedding Speeches Should Be

The ideal length for a speech is three to five minutes, with five minutes being the absolute maximum you should speak for. That's it. "I’ve never been to a wedding where anyone said, 'That was a great wedding, but the best man speech was just too short and thatruinedit,'" says David Litt, the speechwriter for former President Barack Obama and author of Thanks, Obama.

Carter agrees: "I always say anywhere between two and five minutes—and no more than five minutes," she says. "You want to keep things short and sweet." It's just as important to keep in mind when the speech will take place when determining length, since toasts are often timed with meal courses: "Be mindful of how long a course generally takes or how long it takes people to eat," Carter adds, noting that most courses last between 15 and 20 minutes and that several speeches have to fit inside each window. "If there are other people speaking, you want to be mindful and give them space."

Wedding Speech Tips

Now that you've established the right framework for your words, take note of these essential tips for acing the delivery from a few speaking pros.

Rehearse Regularly

The better prepared you are, the more confident you'll be and the better your speech will be, says author and professional speaker Barry Maher. A good rule of thumb is to practice the speech enough that you can remember the points you want to make and the order in which you want to make them. That way, you can look out to the crowd and make eye contact every so often.

Record Yourself Practicing

Use your phone to take a video of yourself practicing, suggests Kate Kenfield, speaker and sex educator. "It can be a little uncomfortable to watch yourself, but you'll be able to identify distracting mannerisms, such as the verbal pauses 'um,' 'uh,' and 'like'." It's also a good idea to practice your speech in front of someone else. "A second opinion can help you craft your piece and make it that much stronger," she says.

Avoid Alcohol

Although it may be tempting to look for some liquid courage, alcohol definitely won't do you any favors, warns keynote speaker Amy Morin, author of13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do. "It may cause you to slur your speech and forget your lines, so wait until after your toast to celebrate," she advises. If you need a drink to loosen up the nerves or can't refrain from participating in a toast without being rude, stick to one glass of Champagne before you address the crowd.

Use Nerves to Your Advantage

A little nervousness can actually liven up your speech. "I get worried if I'm not a little nervous," says Maher. "I'll actually try to make myself a little tense to get my energy level up." The key is to harness that energy and communicate it in a positive, genuine way; tensing up to the point that you forget your words or panic won't make for a great presentation.

Be Yourself

Keep in mind that you're not putting on a show, only sharing your personal perspective. Trying too hard to force the funny can yield the opposite of the desired effect, cautions Matt Dalley, co-founder of Simply Eloped. "I've noticed that keeping it short and sweet, heartfelt and warm, and coming across as authentic and focused on the couple is something we are all capable of and generates some very wonderful moments," he says.

Never Embarrass the Newlyweds

It's a wedding toast, not a roast. While this should go without saying, keep the bachelor or bachelorette party jokes out of it, and remember that grandma and possibly a few colleagues are in the audience, notes Laurie Battaglia, a keynote speaker and workplace strategist. "It's okay to look back at childhood and refer to something funny, but ask yourself if you'd like 200-plus of your closest friends knowing that story about you."

Use Your Notes

Reading your speech straight from a piece of paper is a big no-no. However, having a couple of note cards handy is encouraged. "You're likely to be nervous, excited, and exhausted, which can make you forget your lines," explains Morin. "The audience won't care if you glance at your notes. In fact, there's a good chance they won't even notice."

Wedding Speech Brainstorm Ideas

Need some inspiration? Ask yourself these questions to get the brainstorming process going.

• Who will speak before you? After you? How will this affect the content of your toast? (Perhaps you want to include a reference to their speech, thank them for an introduction, or introduce the next speaker).
• Is there someone you should thank for making the event possible and inviting you to speak?
• What would you want to hear in this speech if you were in the audience?
• Is there a favorite story or memory that the couple would want you to share with their friends and family?

Wedding Speech Examples to Make Your Own

So, what does it look like when all these elements come together? Wedding vow and speechwriter Katelyn Peterson, owner and creator of Wedding Words, offered us three examples of successful toasts to inspire your own.

Maid of Honor Wedding Speech Example

"Hi, I’m Maya, the bride’s older sister. With Lucy being three years younger, we fell right into our respective roles as sister-rivals growing up.We constantly fought over stolen clothes, monopolizing the phone back when landlines were a thing, and what boy band to blare from the car speakers. I’m still Team Backstreet Boys while Lucy is forever indebted to NSYNC.

Looking back on those memories, I should have stepped up and granted Lucy permission to wear my favorite sweater for picture day, to hand her the phone once in a while, and to let her play, 'Bye Bye Bye.' Even I can admit that’s a good one.But despite Lucy being the younger sister, she has always been more patient, more accommodating, and more thoughtful than me.And that’s because when it comes to the people she loves, she’s all in.

She’s the one to prioritize their desires. She’s the one to compromise first.And, she’s the one to support their dreams as if they were her own.

Cheers to Lucy and David! May you always feel loved because you always put each other first."

Best Man Wedding Speech Example

"Hello, everyone. My name is Luke and I’m the best man. I met Robert eight years ago when I became his neighbor.His reputation preceded him as I had heard about the 'Block Party King' before my closing papers were inked.

Rob has never been the guy to wear fancy clothes. In fact, I’m still in shock seeing him in that tux tonight. And he’s never been the guy to show off even though the work he’s put into his vintage Mustang could make Henry Ford himself envious.

But when it comes to cooking, he should receive an award. His pulled pork is a staple at our summer block parties and his homemade barbeque sauce has remained our neighborhood’s best-kept secret.But the most satisfying part about his delicious dishes is that there’s always plenty to go around. And Rob makes sure your plate is never empty.I have no idea how he pulls it off, but Rob has a covert ability to scoop seconds onto your plate without you ever seeing him do it. I hope you all came hungry tonight, folks. You’ve been warned!

The first time I met Jasmine I could immediately tell she was an amazing person.She laughed at his jokes which I never thought anyone would get.She supported his career and the nonstop travel involved.But most importantly, whenever we’re all hanging out, Jasmine is the one always topping off Rob’s plate with more pasta, more chicken, more of everything.When she’s around, it’s never empty.

So let’s raise our glasses to toast the newlyweds!As you begin this next chapter together, may your plates and your hearts always remain full."

Father of the Bride Wedding Speech Example

"Good evening, family, and friends. I’m Daniel Lee, the father of the bride. I’d like to welcome you to this special occasion where we get to celebrate the love between my daughter Allison and her new wife, Kristin.

Standing up here today, I’m reminded of all the moments that led to this significant one. The dance recitals that ended with standing ovations and the soccer games that concluded with winning scoreboards.

But, while those were fun and rewarding times, those aren’t the moments I cherish most with Allison.The memories that make me smile the brightest are those in-between the big stuff moments. It’s the makeshift magic shows in our living room using a bedsheet that Allison confiscated from our linen closet to convert into a curtain.It’s the countless tea parties she hosted with exclusive invitations just for me and her beloved stuffed bear, Buttons.And it’s the way she’d beg to stay up for just five more minutes but was asleep on the couch by minute number two.

So, my beautiful daughter, as you begin your life with Kristin today, I have one wish for you: May your warmest memories come from the ordinary moments throughout your marriage, and may those moments give you a reason to smile brighter every day.Cheers! I love you both."—Daniel

What Not to Say in a Wedding Speech

Your job when delivering a wedding speech is to keep things light—tell an anecdote, make an emotional connection, then wish the couple well before you close out. Anything that doesn't feel definitively positive should be avoided. "I would advocate against bringing up negative details, specifically past relationships or past spouses," says Carter. "Skip anything that you wouldn't want to be physically recorded and played over and over again—this is a rule of thumb."

Keep it light, delicate, and present- and future-focused, Carter adds. "If you're going to go into the past, make those stories really intentional," she says. "Bring those stories back to who they are now. Your mission is to create a great environment and vibe and to potentially give some information about one of the newlyweds, so that it's enlightening for all guests."