It's an awesome feeling to have the women (and sometimes men) you love the most come together in one place weeks or months before the wedding to shower you love and gifts—some of which you picked out yourself. But pulling together a seamless bridal shower takes planning and foresight, and that requires a host at the helm. We explain who traditionally hosts this pre-wedding party, and what to do when no one steps up to the plate.
The Traditional Bridal Shower Host
The maid of honor traditionally takes on the role of chief shower planner. But she isn't a one-woman show: She relies on the bridesmaids to help her with planning logistics. On the day of, the girls run the party, making sure everything goes smoothly and that guests are taken care of.
The maid of honor isn't the only option, however. Anyone who is close to the bride—including her mother, sister, cousin, grandma, or future mother-in-law—can host.
It used to be that immediate family members were never named as official hosts. Since a shower is all about asking people to bring gifts, it was thought to be gauche if a bride's family were essentially bidding for presents. But if they were secretly hosting, meaning they did the planning and the paying, their identities weren't revealed–and the bridal party was usually called upon to fake being the hosts. Now, though, it's fine for Mom or a sister to plan and host the event.
How to Ask Someone to Host a Bridal Shower
What should a bride do if no one has offered to host a shower? Even though you know no one is obligated to give you one, you're disappointed (and it may especially hurt if you've thrown showers for other people).
First, consider that there may be a surprise shower in the wings. But if you're sure that's not the case and, as time goes on and still no word or sign, you've got to be brave and ask your maid of honor to throw you one. If she's hesitant because it's a money issue and the bridesmaids are strapped for cash, ask your mom or mother-in-law if they are willing to host a shower for you. (You may have to explain the modern etiquette of mom-as-host to them.)
Hosting Your Own Bridal Shower
Although the idea of hosting your own shower—where you can execute your vision down to the last detail—may be appealing, it's generally a no-no, as it comes off as asking for gifts.
Who Pays for the Bridal Shower?
The host plans and pays for the bridal shower. When multiple hosts are enlisted for the duty, they should share the costs of hosting, which also lightens up the financial responsibility put on any one person.
Does the Bride-to-Be Have a Say in the Planning Process?
If asked for your input, it's acceptable to offer ideas or suggestions. Otherwise, sit back and allow your host to plan your shower. With your wedding on the horizon, you likely have enough on your plate.
What to Do After You Choose a Bridal Shower Host
When someone agrees to host your shower, don't expect a big blowout of a party. Actually, why don't you suggest a low-key, informal affair in someone's backyard? They don't even have to serve a meal—it could be a ladies' tea theme with cupcakes and cookies and a variety of hot and cold teas. The whole point of a shower is some pre-wedding girl bonding—and you can do that over a simple tray of vanilla cupcakes just fine.
No matter the scale of your bridal shower, there are a few etiquette rules that stand the test of time. Promptly send invitations with all the details ideally six to eight weeks before the shower. Then, show gratitude to your guests by sending thank-you notes out within 48 hours and up to a month after your shower.
FAQs
The Traditional Bridal Shower Host
Who is traditionally supposed to throw a bridal shower? ›
When it comes to the question “who hosts a bridal shower,” the most popular answer is usually the maid of honor. One of the most important maid of honor duties is leading the charge to plan the bridal shower, from choosing a venue to sending out bridal shower invitations, planning games to choosing favors.
Who is responsible for paying for a bridal shower? ›
In short, the host is the one who pays for the bridal shower—or at least some of it. Most commonly, this is the maid of honor, but the couple's relatives, friends or even the to-be-weds themselves can all pitch in to cover the cost of the wedding shower.
Who should not host a bridal shower? ›
Traditional etiquette dictates that the maid of honor—not the mother of the bride—should host the shower. Nancy is a freelance writer for MarthaStewart.com. Some etiquette rules were meant to fade away into oblivion, like the one about family members of the bride not hosting her bridal shower.
Does the mother of the groom throw a bridal shower? ›
If there are no plans for a shower two months in advance of the wedding, it is safe for the bride to go ahead and ask her maid of honor to host a shower for her. If the bridal party is not able to host the shower for financial reasons, the bride may ask her mother or the mother of the groom to host the shower.
Does the mother of the bride pay for the bridal shower? ›
Although once upon a time it was expected that the bride's family would foot the bridal shower bill, modern society has changed the rules. Nowadays, the person (or people) hosting the bridal shower are responsible for covering the costs associated with the shower.
Should a mother of bride host a shower? ›
Traditionally, the mother of the bride doesn't host the bridal shower (the maid of honor typically assumes the chief shower-planning role), however, your daughter will likely want you to be a part of the celebration.
What is the average cost of a bridal shower? ›
According to CostHelper, a bridal shower costs $15 to $40 per person. That works out at $300 to $800 for a 20-person party but can go as high as $150 per person or $3,000 for a 20-person shower.
What do the groom's parents pay for? ›
The groom's family traditionally paid for all costs associated with the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon, wedding day transportation, and the officiant. The groom paid for the bride's engagement ring, wedding ring, and groomsmen gifts. It is also common for the groom's family to pay for the alcohol at the reception.
What is etiquette for a bridal shower? ›
Since showers are intended for the bride's nearest and dearest, every shower guest must already be on the wedding guest list. Because it's understood that guests should bring a present to a shower, it's not appropriate to invite people whom you don't plan to include in the wedding.
The bridal shower is designed for just you and the girls while the wedding shower is a co-ed party where the bride and groom both get showered with gifts and love. If you're a bride who loves to party and celebrate, then have both a wedding shower and bridal shower!
Is it rude to not have a bridal shower? ›
Bridal showers aren't required, so if you're not interested, here's how to spread the word. Not every to-be-wed wants a bridal shower, and that's totally their call. While saying "no" to having a bridal shower should be simple in theory, declining a friend or family member's offer to throw you one can be tricky.
Who walks down the groom's mom? ›
As the wedding begins, the groom's mother will be escorted down the aisle, to the first pew, right-hand side, by the head usher or a groomsman who is a family member. A nice touch includes the groom escorting his mother down the aisle. As the groom's mother is escorted to her seat, her husband will follow along behind.
What does a mom give her son on his wedding day? ›
A personalized photo album or picture frame is a timeless and sentimental gift your son and daughter-in-law will cherish for years to come. Fill the album with pictures of special moments and memories that they have shared together, or choose a beautiful picture frame to display a favorite wedding photo.
What is proper etiquette for throwing a bridal shower? ›
According to tradition, a shower shouldn't be thrown by the bride's immediate relatives, such as her mother, future mother-in-law, or sister, since it may leave an impression that they're asking for gifts. But this is changing and it's perfectly acceptable for a family member to host a shower these days.
Is the man supposed to go to the bridal shower? ›
Should my fiancé attend the bridal shower? It's totally up to you and your fiancé to decide whether he will attend the bridal shower.
Should a sister-in-law host a bridal shower? ›
Answer: Tradition says that a shower shouldn't be thrown by the bride's immediate relatives, including future in-laws, because it might give the impression that you're asking for gifts.
What is the mother of the groom responsible for? ›
Traditionally, the groom's mother will take care of the rehearsal dinner arrangements and help prepare the guest list for the groom's side of the family. Both tasks should be done with both the bride and the groom's input. Any other responsibilities can be negotiated among the families.
