This Old Wedding Tradition Might Rub You The Wrong Way (2024)

This Old Wedding Tradition Might Rub You The Wrong Way (1)

One glance at the Facebook wall of a recently engaged woman and it's easy to see that the overwhelming response is "congratulations." But did you know that the well wishers are actually defying tradition?

If, like us, you weren't aware of this particular piece of traditional wedding etiquette, here's the gist of it: Apparently, telling a bride "congratulations" insinuates that it was not a given that she would succeed at getting married or that she didn't have her choice of suitors. Instead, you're supposed to tell the bride "best wishes" and reserve your "congrats" for the groom, who presumably played the role of hunter and succeeded at his goal of convincing his bride to say yes.

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In a word? Oy.

According to lifestyle and etiquette expert Elaine Swann, author of Let Crazy Be Crazy, this tradition dates back to the Victorian era but has since fallen out of the realm of common knowledge. You might have caught a reference to the "congratulations" faux pas on the Season 4 finale of "Mad Men," when Don Draper announces his engagement to Megan at his office and Pete Campbell corrects a co-worker, "You don't say 'congratulations' to the bride -- you say 'best wishes.' Congratulations, Don!" If Pete had to keep folks in check over this etiquette rule back in the 1960s, what about now?

"There isn't anything that has said, 'OK, we don't have to do this anymore,'" said Swann. "It's just that, today, most brides aren't even aware of the tradition."

Plus, with more women pushing against old patriarchal norms and proposing to men themselves, it feels silly to abide by such an outdated etiquette rule. But Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners herself, offered up another way to look at the tradition in her book Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior. Martin explains why brides aren't likely to be offended whether you insist on saying "congratulations" or "best wishes":

This is not because the courtship patterns have changed. Even if the lady proposes to the gentleman on bended knee, Miss Manners and other polite people should figure he is lucky to get her. Nor is it entirely because those who offer congratulations mean well but don't know the rule and it would be churlish to quibble.

It is because today's brides hear far worse. Those who are repeatedly told "It's about time!" and asked "Are you pregnant?" are only too happy to accept kind thoughts, however they are phrased.

A good rule of thumb, according to Swann, is to keep your well-wishes consistent between the bride and groom: If you say "best wishes" to the bride, then make sure you say it to the groom, too. Oh, and avoid following that with "finally."

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Before You Go

This Old Wedding Tradition Might Rub You The Wrong Way (2)

Wedding Etiquette Rules You Can Break

This Old Wedding Tradition Might Rub You The Wrong Way (2024)

FAQs

What is the superstition for Southern weddings? ›

BURY THE BOURBON

As the folklore goes, the key to a rain-free wedding day lies in this well placed bottle of spirits. Take note, the bottle must be full and buried upside down at the ceremony site exactly one month prior to tying the knot.

What is an example of a superstitious belief in a wedding? ›

Carrying the Bride Over the Threshold

This superstition began in Medieval Europe where many believed that a bride was extra vulnerable to evil spirits through the soles of her feet. To avoid bringing in any evil spirits, the groom carried the bride into their new home.

What is the meaning of something blue borrowed old new? ›

The Old English rhyme is all about good luck charms, "Something Olde (symbolizes continuity), Something New (offers optimism for the future), Something Borrowed (represents borrowed happiness), Something Blue (purity, love and fidelity), and a Sixpence (maybe a 5 cent piece) in your Shoe (prosperity)”.

What is the rhyme something borrowed at a wedding? ›

What is the Saying Something Borrowed Something Blue? “Something Olde, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue, A Sixpence in your Shoe.” This is the full Old English rhyme, each “something” representing well wishes offered by friends and family on a couple's wedding day.

Why shouldn't you wear pearls on your wedding day? ›

The superstition has been around for centuries in regard to a bride wearing pearls on her wedding day. Since ancient folklore claims pearls are a symbol of tears, wearing pearls on the wedding day will lead to a sad marriage.

What is bourbon Southern wedding tradition? ›

Burying the bourbon is a tradition that, if done correctly, is supposed to ward off rain the day of the wedding. Those who swear by this Southern myth state that the couple-to-be must visit their venue exactly a month before the wedding date and bury a full bottle of bourbon upside down.

What colors are bad luck for a wedding? ›

Wedding dress colour superstitions

Married in white, you will have chosen all right. Married in grey, you will go far away. Married in black, you will wish yourself back. Married in red, you'll wish yourself dead.

What is the unlucky day for wedding? ›

Wednesday is the luckiest day to marry and Saturday is the unluckiest. An auspicious rhyme from English folklore rules: "Monday for health, Tuesday for wealth, Wednesday best of all, Thursday for losses, Friday for crosses, Saturday for no luck at all." Sprinkling the bride with wheat or rice brings fruitfulness.

What is the rhyme familiar to superstitious brides? ›

“Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a sixpence in your shoe" is the famous rhyme that superstitious brides and grooms follow in the name of luck on their wedding days.

Why do brides wear a garter? ›

Traditionally, the wedding garter most often symbolizes love and luck. In the Middle Ages it was more tied up with notions of virginity and the consummation of marriage; these days it's more of a fun, lighthearted wedding way to show off the couple's chemistry and interact with their guests.

Why do brides have a sixpence in their shoes? ›

A world of tradition

' For many years, the father of the bride would slip a sixpence into his daughter's shoe before she walked down the aisle. The sixpence stood for good luck, and to show that the father wished his daughter prosperity in her marriage.

Why do people throw rice at weddings? ›

This wedding tradition dates back to the ancient Romans. Throwing rice at the bride and groom was thought to bring fertility, wealth and good luck to the newlyweds. Other cultures threw different types of crops at the married couple, such as oats, wheat and corn.

Why do brides wear white? ›

In many societies the color white has long been associated with purity and virtue, and that is one reason why some brides choose to wear white, especially in the West.

Do brides still do something old something new? ›

While the evil eye is a thing of the past, "something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue" can be an entertaining tradition to follow at your wedding in whatever way works for you. Have fun with it as you put the finishing touches on your special day.

Why are South Indian weddings in the morning? ›

symbolic of rise in prosperity. This is auspicious. Hence its usually done in the morning before noon. However in places like Telangana a state which has some north indian customs also weddings are at night.

Why is it bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other before the wedding? ›

This practice emerges from pre-18th century time, when it was common place for pre-arranged marriages. It was deemed "unlucky" for a bride and groom to see one another. This was an attempt to keep the groom from backing out of the wedding upon seeing his unidentified bride to be prior to the ceremony.

What does wearing red to a wedding mean in the South? ›

And while you might see rumors floating around the web that wearing red means you had a fling with the groom, ignore those. There are no hidden meanings to any colors of wedding guest attire.

What is the tradition of the Southern wedding cake? ›

Cake Pulls

For a cake pull, ribbons with symbolic charms are baked into the bottom layer of the wedding cake. Once it is time to cut the cake, the bridesmaids and single ladies in attendance have the chance to pull a ribbon. The charm associated with the ribbon pulled is what is in store for the coming years.

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